I became a Christian at 8 years old,
and I remember it well. I was on my knees next to my overly yellow, overly ruffled,
beautiful canopy bed, and my Nanan -who had just recently told me I could call
her that-led me in the Lord’s prayer. I know that I felt the Holy Spirit in me
for a few years, but didn’t really know what to do after that, so fast forward
to 18 months ago. I had the privilege of being part of a bible study that would
ROCK MY WORLD, Named by God, by Kasey VanNorman. (If you’re looking for a study to lead, do,
learn from, look no further!!!). It was during
that study I had a real “A-HA” revelation about my Christianity. I
knew I was already awesome, but she made me realize that I could be awesome-er
if I could allow myself to love Jesus the way I’m supposed to. I finally
understood the true meaning of Grace and Redemption, and what it really means to be
IN LOVE with Jesus.
Currently, I'm studying the book of Nehemiah. He was a Jew that lived a life of luxury, as
cupbearer to the King. While he was vacationing, with the king, he was informed
that the Jews were in trouble and Jerusalem’s wall had been broken down. When
he heard that, he “sat down and he wept.” Really, he did. Can you remember the
last time you “sat down and wept” because of someone else’s tragedy? Prior to this study, I can remember, vividly, the few times I have:
1. 9/11/01 (and most anniversaries of this date):
2. 11 years ago, when the 1st bomb hit, and started the war in
Afghanistan; and
3. The aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.
In those moments I could
relate to Nehemiah, and what it meant to have a “heart that can break,” though
I didn’t know that’s what it was, at the time. I’ve always been a giver/provider/fixer, just
ask Bryan how many strangers have been in/out of our house when they needed a
place to stay. I’ve tried to live by the verse: Hebrews 13:2 –
Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by doing so, some have entertained
angels. I always thought this meant throw the best parties, and be the “entertainment,” but that’s a whole other
post.
Anyway, Back to Nehemiah, this study
has made me think...a lot, and pray...a lot, for a “heart that can break.” Every day, I hear
of people suffering in various parts of the world, and even in our own country.
Then log on to Facebook or Twitter, and see the word “need” quite often. I think that we, as a society, have forgotten
what that word really means. Most of us have never been so hungry that we “needed”
food, or “needed” shelter because we were homeless. I often say Carter “needs”
new clothes or shoes, but that in itself is not the truth. There are so many of
God’s children (my brothers and sisters in Christ) that really do “need” these
things.
Since the Spring, I have been
spent numerous hours praying. My prayer was that the church…which I now know means ME…will stand up and do something. "Get
my hands dirty", if you will, but time after time I never felt like I was given a place that God was leading me to serve. I looked locally, nationally, and internationally because I sort of knew the WHAT I needed to do, but not the HOW or WHERE. After discussing it with my Tuesday night Bible Study ladies, Wednesday morning I was presented with an opportunity literally OUT OF THE BLUE...enter Healing Faith (HF). I knew, deep down, this was it, but still couldn't make a decision though the "signs" have been everywhere, and yesterday while still praying for an answer, I looked up and saw this:
At first I thought, that is was God assuring our win this weekend, but then I remember we were not playing at Kyle Field. Then I thought, "OK it's a National Championship promise"...then I literally laughed out loud, and moved on the REAL reason. It was a reminder of his promise, and that I needed to be faithful. The last 2
times I’ve turned on my car radio, the song I Refuse (hence the post title)
was playing, and then a 3rd time on my way to work this morning. These are the lyrics, and I’ve bolded the parts that I know were
speaking directly to me (you can read the bolded parts only, if you want):
Sometimes I, I just want to close my
eyes
And act like everyone's alright when
I know they're not
This world needs God, but it's
easier to stand and watch
I
can say a prayer and just move on like nothing's wrong
But
I refuse
'Cause I don't want to live like I
don't care
I don't want to say another empty
prayer
Oh, I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else
To
do what God has called me to do myself
I could choose not to move
But I refuse
I can hear the least of these crying
out so desperately
And I know we are the hands and feet
of You, oh God
So if You say move it's time for me
to follow through
And do what I was made to do and
show them who You are
To stand and watch the weary and
lost cry out for help
I refuse - To turn my back and try
and act like all is well
I refuse - To stay unchanged, to
wait another day, to die to myself
I
refuse - To make one more excuse
Those 2 things, were the final hit-me-over-the-head-what-else-do-you-need-to-know-committ-already confirmation I needed, and I knew in my heart what I was supposed to do: short term medical missions...for the people of Uganda. HF specialize in medical care for these people, and as I type I'm moved to tears just thinking about everything I can do for them. I invite you now to hop on over to my new blog specifically for this mission at http://www.andiwillrise.com/. You can pray, donate, and follow my journey....
Valerie
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